bored

totally bored with myself. i feel like i have nothing interesting to say because i am not interested by my life. i am consumed by this need to understand why i suffer so much and why i don’t enjoy anything. it’s irrational and strange and beyond frustrating. it’s very difficult to tend to my life when i don’t care about anything. nothing makes me feel better. everything feels so pointless.

ugh. i have the day off from work today and i am going to try my darnedest to lay low and relax and smile when i can. i am so unbelievably sick of being sad and mopey and it’s all i can do to get out of bed and do the morning habit stack. this blog is lame and i don’t even know why i am writing it. meditation was excruciating this morning and i wonder why i even bother, it’s not helping me access any calm or clarity or peace. everything in my periphery is womp womp stupid or pointless or annoying or all three. god i can’t even stand to read this, i am such a debbie downer. i’m going to stop now and get on with the day and try to let myself just be. damn life is hard sometimes all the time.